true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
