Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I believe in your delicious
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
