ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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