you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
