Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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