I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
