Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
