dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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