Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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