you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
