I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
