fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
