I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize