After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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