it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I AM VODKA MAN
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
