So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
