Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
