i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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