We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
