Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
