I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
