i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
