oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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