She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
