I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
