You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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