Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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