i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
