I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
