Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
