Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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