Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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