Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
