if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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