Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
