well you can't waste a boner
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
