I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Randomize
