He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
