its not stalking. its research.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
