I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
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please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
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Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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