we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
