you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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