I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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