I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
