So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
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