I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
