You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
