eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
