pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize