I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize