HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
