I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
