it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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