We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
