There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
