WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
