I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
