I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
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It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
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My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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