No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Come on in and take your pants off
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