We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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