Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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