with your own penis?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
