DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
