I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again