I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.