There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
