i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
