I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
it glows. i had to have it.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
