You smell like a Billy Joel song
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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