Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
