I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
