my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
