Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
