Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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