so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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