Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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