I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
