he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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