Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
