This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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