How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
