Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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