That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.