So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
two words...techno handjob
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.