it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.