Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
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we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
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How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...