Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again